Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Bad Brunch, Bad

If I’m eating at your restaurant and the tastiest item on my plate is the ketchup, you have a serious problem.

When I eat out I have this crazy voice in my head saying things like, “Under seasoned, overcooked, this came out of a can/bag/box, this chef doesn’t give a shit!” I just like thoughtful cooking, it doesn’t need to be great, I just want the chef to have put in a modicum of effort. This past Sunday morning my internal monologue went into overdrive at brunch at Elementi on 7th Ave in Park Slope, Brooklyn. I ordered the Eggs Benedict and a side of spicy sausages made in-house.

Here are just a few of the problems:

The Poached Eggs: Overcooked. Sad. Congealed yolk. (If you click the photo above you can see it up close in all it's poorly cooked glory.)

The English Muffin: It wasn’t toasted, it was mushy, and a little butter would have been nice.

The Sauce: The only thing the chef got right in this hollandaise sauce is the color. Bland, no flavor, no salt, no seasoning, no acid. Clearly nobody tasted this before sending it out of the kitchen. Really godaweful.

The Potatoes: Insipid and limp. They'd only been browned on one side and hadn’t been seasoned with salt and pepper properly. If they'd been crisp at one point, they weren't by the time they'd gotten to my table. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d sat around for awhile in the kitchen waiting for me to order them. The menu called them hashbrowns. Fail.

The Greens: Clearly bagged bitter greens, which I have absolutely no problem with, if properly dressed. The balsamic vinaigrette's acid, oil, salt, pepper ratio was off, off, off.

The Sausage: Homemade and tasted very good. Nice seasoning, I liked them…. Except for how they looked. As you can see in the photo, there is definitely something turd-like in the appearance. For $3 I got three tiny 2-3 inch by 1/4 inch sausages, for plating 2 larger would have looked more appetizing. In the video below I'd already eaten 2 before it occurring to me I should video it.

Unlimited Drinks for $7: That would be great if my Bloody Mary tasted like more than canned tomato puree with lots of horseradish. Didn't anyone taste that drink mix before sending it out to customers? Doubt it.

Really disappointing.

Elementi ** out of 5

140 7th Ave, Brooklyn 11215
Btwn Carroll St & Garfield Pl


Bev Sykes said...

So I'm trying to decide if you really liked this or not. (LOL!) LOVED your review, and someday -- I don't know when or where -- I'm going to steal your line about catsup

Grace Piper said...

Hi Bev,
It was such a disappointing brunch, I just felt I needed to vent. You can use that catsup line anywhere you want.
My friend, who you might know from the vlogger world, Bekah aka Missbehavens recently introduced me to the term squeakmeat for pig. I love that, and will use it in a post very soon.